Jot down everything…

Jotting down my thoughts for the next 31 days of 2021.

I’m taking a forceful resolve after unsuccessful design sprints exposed a part of me I have never really tried to fix.

I have bad work ethics. I have to admit that. It’s evident in the current sprints I’m in. I’m late into my deadlines and the pressure I’m putting on myself is rather unhealthy. Friday is the deadline. But I have to write. I need to write so that when I’m done come end December, I’ll look back at this post and maybe, I’ll give a pat on my back for enduring the longer sprint, i.e., December.

But let’s define what bad work ethics mean from my perspective.

It’s:

Lack of focus + Unscheduled time + Lack of priorities + Easily Distracted + Last Minute Work x Delaying your work.

Basically, it’s the opposite definition of productivity. There’s no purpose in the actions I’m doing. I’m doing things just for the sake of doing things.

I’ve been thinking a lot, of my time in this programme. I’m 5 months in. It’s as if I’ve learnt nothing; I’ve successfully distracted myself from doing what’s most important, and that is to do my best and put in the effort to turn things around. Come to think of it, it’s an insult to the people around me who’ve cheered me on and supported me in changing my career. And a few moments ago I was thinking how my classmates were in this course together with me, and thinking how, when the programme ends, they all succeeded in securing a job, while I’m here, still stuck, always stuck at the beginning. Not pouring my heart into this programme. I don’t want to feel left out again, like how I did 6 to 7 years ago, seeing my classmates graduating from Polytechnic, while I was already out from school. I hated that feeling. But it was on my own accord. I couldn’t blame anyone on that. And now, if I fail, I cannot blame on anyone except myself.

So what’s next?

Next step is to be intentional in every movement made. To have a mission, a goal to achieve. No matter how SMART it’s tried to be, but I’ve never really given SMART goals a chance to succeed on me. I’m going to give it a try. Let’s try one more time. It’s okay if it doesn’t work out, but, try. Don’t worry about failing. The important thing is to try. Just one month of try.

This is day 1.

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Learning, and unlearning.

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Hazrul Fitri

Hazrul Fitri

Learning, and unlearning.

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